I can't begin to convey to you guys how it was during those last hours with my little Hank. I just knew, I felt so helpless and everytime he looked at me I felt like I was letting him down because he just kept getting worse and worse. When I saw he was not well I immediatley grabbed him out of the cage, tried putting him on heating but he would not stay he wanted me and so I had to fix all these different things to help him one-handed because I couldn't even take my hand off of him. I had many people helping me to figure out what was going on and what to do for him. Then it was over. He looked at me and took his last breaths. I just screamed and cried, I held him still wrapped in his fleece blanket for the longest and just kissed him and held him close to my heart. All the while all I can remember thinking is maybe he'll breath or move again. When I was finally able to put him away I woke up my husband and cried to him. Then I went in the kitchen poured out the pedialyte and formula I had mixed, rinsed out his syringe and stuck it back in the cabinet. I looked around and had nothing else to do. I looked all through his cage and beds. Then I went to sit on the couch, I put my head in my hands and I could still smell him on me.
Hank-my sweet angel! Mommy misses you so much and knows that you're okay. I'm here without you and though it's hard I get through somehow. You'll always be in my heart. Have fun over the rainbow and I can't wait to come home to see you and hold you again. I love you Hanky Pank! RIP sweet baby boy!!
